Day 79: Moody, Funky Day

“Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.” ― Osho

For a long time now I have worked to maintain a very positive, creative mindset. Thanks to Wayne Dyer I've learned that there is a spiritual solution to every problem, so I always turn within when something is troubling me. My brain is now wired to look at the good in everything and everyone, and I understand that my current "reality" is a reflection of what is going on in my mind.

That said, I woke up today not feeling "right". I did a short meditation, but had a hard time concentrating. I did a little bit of work, but felt like I was just going through the motions. I decided to take a break and fold some laundry, but felt a wave of sadness come over me. Cory had washed the baby clothes that had started to collect dust. The clothes had been hanging up on the wall still on their hangers. I bought the clothes a couple years ago hoping that it would bring me baby dust, and hung them up to help me visualize having a baby. 

Well, after folding the laundry I was still feeling a bit funky. Typically I would refocus my thoughts on more positive things when I start to feel sad, but this time I decided that I was just going to be one with this sadness and let it marinate. I wasn't going to try to deny the feelings. I would just let it be. I didn't cry, but I was a little teary-eyed; even more so when I watched the movie "Titanic" tonight, which was another first for me. I had seen the first 20 minutes before, but never saw the whole thing. I'm probably the only person who had never seen the movie!

After the movie I turned to "The Tonight Show", and Jimmy Fallon put a smile back on my face with his monologue. 

I forgot how sadness can make your spirit feel so heavy and put your mind in a downward spiral. I'm so grateful to know that happiness is indeed a choice and that I don't have to wait for circumstances to change to live a happy life.